On the first day of Blogmas, Aitza gave to me…..Tips for handling intrusive questions from family! See how I made me and family rhyme. I have skills! But moving on…
The countdown to Hanukkah and Christmas is upon us. For many, this means interacting with nosy relatives who only offer hunger bellies and intrusive questions. For those who are empaths or people pleasers, knowing how to respond to such questions can cause anxiety as they don’t want to step on toes. You also have those who are quick to respond and think about the consequence later, and momma has asked you not to start a fight the dinner table this year. So you too are wondering how to shut these people down. Don’t worry. I have you covered.
Comeback for the Coin Counter
You may have a family member or family friend who likes to count other people’s money. They want to know how you with your student debt, underpaid internship, or leaving at home self could afford the items you have. Perhaps they admire you. Maybe they want to embarrass you or even give you a quick financial lesson. Whatever the case may be, you aren’t here for the intrusiveness.
CC: Hey girl, how much did your Celine bag cost you?
You: Why do you ask?
CC: I’ve seen bags like that on Pinterest. They always seemed out of my price range at this age and I know you’re living at home, so I assumed it would be the same for you.
You: That’s interesting… My bag is my baby. Such an excellent addition to my wardrobe.
Regardless of that explanation, the coin counter gives to your “why do you ask?” make sure you answer with “that’s interesting” and a brief deflection. If the coin counter still presses, hit them with “I don’t exactly remember, but I’m sure Google will be helpful in finding the price.” Then continue to eat your food or eavesdrop in on the older generation with all the family gossip.
The only time you should answer this question is if the coin counter is known to give sizeable gifts or pay bills.
Responding to the Nosy Auntie
We all have that one person in our life, that wants to be our personal lives one blast. It isn’t always an auntie, sometimes it is an older uncle, conservative parent, or ageing grandma. Whatever the case may be, they want to know all about your love life. You are not trying to have that conversation over a glass of wine and slice of cake with the family.
NA: Are you thinking about getting married?
You: “WOW! That’s extremely personal.”
NA: I meant no harm baby. When I was your age, I already had three kids and had been married five years. You aren’t getting any younger.
You: It’s not anything I want to discuss right now. If I get engaged, I’ll be sure to personally deliver your invitation.
The trick is to remain calm an try not to get upset. At the same time, remember you are not obligated to answer a question if it is not something you want to discuss. You don’t owe anyone anything. Remember the three Fs good people.
Don’t Ask Intrusive Questions
Please, don’t be the person asking the intrusive question. Stop being nosy and stay in your lane. Don’t make snide comments to embarrass someone -unless said person is racist, sexist, homophobic, or xenophobic – then go ahead. Gladly call out the cousin who flunked out this semester and thinks JFK and Marilyn Monroe have a secret love child. If that is not the case, do some self-reflection and see what to need to do to get your life together, because none of us are perfect.
12 Days of Blogmas
Initially I was going to do 25 days of Blogmas, but that’s not realistic.
I’m not going to play myself or you all that way. Instead, I’m presenting 12 Days of Blogs, which will give you consistent posts and allow me to have time to focus on other projects. 12 Days of Blogmas posts will be delivered on even numbered days during the month of December. Feel free to check out my Blogmas 2015 posts.